CW47: The NDAs have not yet been signed

I don’t intend to make this newsletter too deep, to be honest. It would bother me to juxtapose pictures of me smiling with serious topics, perhaps news of what is going on around the world. That being said, the pictures below - though they serve the purpose of keeping a memory of a week clear in my mind - are not fully truthful: this week I was profoundly devastated by what I heard on the morning news, and I started debating my role in everything.

Pardon the shift in tone of voice from the first two posts to today, but maybe I need to feel guided in my reflections, as they happen day by day.

Day 1: I was on a train all day, coming back from a chilled weekend at my parents’. During the trip I had to write an “end of counselling” PPT. It was strange, writing about myself in a positive way, trying to believe the good things I was saying and finding it didn’t always feel like lying. 

Da 2: I felt insecure about my choice of clothes and so I decided to joke about it the whole day, which felt upsetting because I did - actually - quite like my clothes. A coworker called me Wednesday Adams, and that made me bitter, but there are worse things to be called.

Day 3: driving class day, you know what that means: sneakers. My instructor is a 60 yo man who makes misogynistic jokes and they make me so uncomfortable I can’t help but laugh with him. What happened to that girl who felt like she had a voice? 

Day 4: I felt silly for keeping these pictures going. Surely there’s more important ways to employ my time. But oh well, I am not going to stop now because I always leave my hobbies half-way done and that is just not something I want to make into a personality trait. My friend was coming to visit me from Scotland and I was so excited.

Day 5: weird angle is due to how unclean my floor was, I didn’t want that showing up on camera. I spent the whole day at work translating a PPT and waiting to be done, so I could join my friends in their days. I am scared I’m letting out a part of myself to my new coworkers that won’t be sustainable to maintain.

Bonus:

Thought of the week:

does my sadness count as activism?